Scared of the Dark

I wake in the middle of the night and stare into the blackness of my room. My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness and as they adjust, the outlines of the shapes of my room become more defined. At the same time, objects blend with objects to create images in my mind that spark superstitious thoughts - these are the offspring of my wild imagination. Shapes in the night look like monsters or murderers or animals who's only intention is to cause me harm. The night seems to enhance their power or just simply their likelihood of existing. I still see these shapes, even now, even though I should be past it. I know that since I can't really see them, maybe they can't really see me.
I also used to keep my door open at night. It was to let the light in, so my parents could make sure I was okay, so that I wouldn't shut any monsters in. Now, I shut my door to keep it all out.
I suppose part of growing up is realising that you can be wrong about things.

There are ways in which I feel like I am, unintentionally, growing up. I am no longer scared of the dark. I feel like I can advise those younger than me. I can understand that my parents are human and had lives before I existed. I am independent.
In this way, I don't mind becoming an adult because I know that I have a better understanding of the world, I have experience and I don't have to rely on others so much for my own welfare.

But, I loved being a child. I wish I had the same imagination and curiosity I had at nine years old when a climbing frame became a witches cauldron and the grass became a vast ocean and the garden held nooks and crannies where I could go to 'time travel'. I just loved the power my imagination had. It could unhinge reason in the greatest of ways.  I don't like the way my mind unhinges reason now - I over think reality rather than creating a whole new world. Reality and fantasy merge dangerously.

I didn't care about romance. Real heartbreak doesn't exist at nine years old.

I also miss the way that I always thought about the present and always lived in the present. So much of our lives is spent thinking about the past or the future and not so much about really living in the present.

As a legal adult, I don't feel like one at all. It's strange to think that I used to look up to people my age when I was younger, admiring how good they were at living and being some kind of magical adult type being - it is a myth. These 'adults' know what they're doing, where they going and have everything sussed. It's even stranger to think about how much I looked up to these adults and my parents only now to realise that they are fallible and not the deities I saw them as when I was a child - all knowing, all seeing, all powerful.
I used to think that mid-twenties was so old. I now have friends and cousins of that age and to me they still seem very young. Perhaps its because I'm not so far from being that age and the idea of being an adult frightens me.  Five years from now, I still think I'd feel the same.

I was desperate to grow up five years ago. Have I finally reached the age where I want to be younger?