Responsibilities increase every day as bank statements pile up on my desk. My teenager self ignores the numbers on the page - lazy and ignorant. But if the letters didn't exist, if my money didn't exist, I wouldn't be able to live independently as I am so aching to do. Here is my inner battle.
Of course, the biggest uncertainty lies in my educational future. If I don't get the desired results for university, my idea of the future is as chaotic as the artistic arrangement of clothes on my bedroom floor. Thus, uncertainty is at the forefront of my worried mind. I am trying to deal with a life that is about to dramatically change. This is a situation I share with most other 18 year olds.
Some people call it freedom and perhaps it is. During these few weeks, I have a lot of time to do so many things. I could be inter-railing right now or climbing in Machu Picchu. However, nobody lives their life to benefit yours and your friends won't always be there to hang out and invest in the same adventures that you want to pursue. Sometimes people won't be as interested in you as you are them. Most adventures cost money.
Is it really true freedom if all these restrictions are in place?
And so jumping head first into the sea of real life without any armbands is predominantly terrifying. Mistakes will be made, a future is inevitable and life will be lived. Whilst I am living in this in between world, I have come to understand a few things about what the future will hold, about being happy even when the future is uncertain and when a sense of belonging isn't clear.
Here is a short list of what I have come to realise:
- The future is inevitable. When something makes you sad, it's tempting to dwell on the past. But your life will carry on no matter what and you cannot change the past. Learn and move on.
- Mistakes will be made and you shouldn't be afraid of them. If you are making mistakes it means you are doing something with your life, learning and changing. Embrace them.
- Worrying doesn't solve anything. Once you've done what you can, relax. Worrying only makes you feel worse.
- Sometimes you wake up thinking that you're not going to survive the day, but you should laugh and remember all the days you've thought the same thing and it was never as bad as you expected.
- Getting fed up when you're not doing something exciting, right now, is pointless. There are days when you'll appreciate the chance to be lazy and do nothing. Take advantage of where you are, right now.
- This time, for me at least, is merely a hiatus and instead of dwelling on the idea that your life isn't moving forward at this point in time, relish in still receiving support from your parents but having the independence to live as much as you can. Sometimes being in between teenage life and adulthood isn't such a bad thing after all.
- There is nothing more boring than a person with a perfect life.
Whatever your results are, you will be fine. Don't let your happiness depend on your results because your life will still be great. Sometimes shit happens.
