The Tinder Test

Don't judge me. I downloaded Tinder.

I'd say it was for a laugh but I was genuinely interested. I thought I'd give it a go and see what happens. I've since deleted it but in hindsight, it was a fascinating insight into first impressions and how we judge people.

I went on two Tinder dates. Both just in town for a coffee and they were perfectly nice people but we didn't really click. I wasn't looking for anything serious however, I considered that perhaps a first date isn't enough to really assess a person. I didn't really talk to these two again and one of the reasons was because I wasn't getting the right vibes from them. Then someone recently made me reconsider that first impressions can differ a huge amount to how you might perceive them later on.

It doesn't just go for dates.  My flatmates, who I moved in with back in September last year, are not the same people I thought they were in the first week. I thought a couple of them probably wouldn't be the kind of people that I usually get on with but, now they're the closest people to me at university - physically and figuratively. I didn't even consider that we might have the same sense of humour or that we had such similar interests. Similarly, looking back on previous relationships, my first impression of those people was different to how I perceive them now and how I perceived them whilst we were together.
But, if we really took this to heart when scrolling through Tinder, we would pick out and look at in detail each potential date, studying each photo and why they decided to display this one and not another. Perhaps you'd talk to every single one of your matches, probe them with questions, even assess their use of emojis.

But, online personas are rarely totally reliable. You may get on better online than you do in real life. Maybe you think you like one person but you discover that they're different to who you thought they were. At the same time you may have swiped past someone who you would have gotten on really well with, a potential soul mate, someone you knew when you were a child but didn't recognise initially.

Strange how a simple swipe can dictate one's future relationships.

Additionally people will change in your eyes too, even if you've known them for a really long time. With the benefit of hindsight, we can so easily analyse past relationships and friendships which change our view of the person. Sometimes someone isn't who you think they are and their actions may surprise you one day.
The way you saw your parents as a child is different to how you see them now. When you realise they had a rebellious teenage lifestyle you no longer perceive them as all knowing, all good deity-like individuals.

Nevertheless, I feel like I base my friendships and relationships around people who I click with upon first meeting or people who I feel are similar to me. Yet, in contrast I have friends who are so different to me that we get on like a house on fire; opposites attract. I often people watch on public transport or look at people who are merely just acquaintances and wonder whether some time in the future we could become great friends or even lovers. I admire someone on the bus and think, if I start talking to them today, will I be planning a holiday with them in a years time?
I often look at people in my life and think, if I'd known when we'd first met what we've been through now...how weird that I had no idea at that point in my life.

The Art of Letting Go

Letting go is one of the most difficult parts of human existence. It envelops us emotionally so it can't be cured by painkillers or physical operations. Letting go is something that we all have to face when it comes to death, break ups, lost friends, lost memories or simply just leaving somewhere to move on to pastures new.
And, sometimes, letting go or having to leave something can make you feel so much emotionally that it almost affects you physically.
Some people say that the way to hack this feeling is to never become attached to anything in the first place, whether its an attachment to a person, a place or even just an idea. But, you can't control the way you feel when something affects you so fiercely. It brings out the primal aspects of our being. We follow our hearts and souls and ignore logic. Yet, looking back, feeling attached, is so human. We shouldn't shun ourselves for allowing ourselves to feel this way because it just makes us human.
Some say that letting go can be compared to taking a hand out of water. The hand slips so easily out of water, some may say because the two are not attached and yet the reason we pull our hand out of the water in the first place is because of the will power to do just that. In the process, some water droplets still remain on the hand just like a piece of the person or place you have left, still remains with you for a time. The water droplets on your hand will eventually dry, just like the way that the feeling numbs over time.

My English teacher at college told me that he believes that one should not look back, but remembering the past in small doses can be wonderful. I agree with this because looking back may mean looking back on past mistakes, analysing events, worrying and simply worrying so much that it affects the way you live now when really, worrying about the past is of no use at all. When you lose something, it is tempting to revel in the way that it made you feel and to remember the familiarity of that person, place or idea. However, it is best to think of these changes as part of a path in life. Life changes, people come and go, you move on, you change and people change. You are moving onto another phase of your life where, because of the changes that have occurred, you may have different and more exciting opportunities for experiences that you never had before. Soon, the way things suddenly are, will become part of your comfort zone and new changes will come in time. Wallowing in the past will only stop you from embracing the present.

I suppose, when you hurt so much from losing something, you can be safe in the knowledge that you have the power to love. As cheesy as this sounds, it's undeniably true. Someone who can care, may be in danger of getting emotionally hurt, but, someone who cares is a million, billion times better than someone who doesn't care at all and lives their life numbed from emotion.

Here is a quote from The Little Prince which I think really sums up what I'm trying to say:

"Of course I'll hurt you. Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."