If This isn't Nice, What is?

When Kurt Vonnegut spoke to Graduates in Georgia 1999, he told them many important truths. In reading this speech, it was what Vonnegut's Uncle Alex said which I was interested in the most.

"But about my Uncle Alex, who is up in Heaven now. One of the things he found objectionable about human beings was that they so rarely noticed it when they were happy"

This has struck a chord in me. I have thought about all the times I'd complained about anything at all. I thought about all the times when the news was bad and all the times when the topic of conversation was cynical - how very British: "Isn't the weather terrible?".

Perhaps the reason we notice when we're sad is because it's unusual to us. Most of the time we are content. When your nose isn't running and your throat isn't sore, you don't think about the fact that your nostrils are clear or your throat doesn't hurt because normally its okay. We notice the bad more than the good and we forget that life is better than we think it is.

Often, so much is to do with jealousy and considering what others have that we don't. Think about it. You've survived with what you have now for a long time. Do you really need more? I suppose now would be the perfect time to haul out the cliché that money doesn't buy you happiness. In a way, money adds to your general comfort and decreases stress when you know that you have enough. But, we too often think about what we don't have. We too often think about what could go wrong instead of what could go right. There is a little cynic in all of us.

I think the fact that we rarely notice it, says a lot about human happiness . I've tried to notice when I'm happy and to say or think, in the words of Vonnegut 'If this isn't nice? what is?'. As a humanity, we are rarely satisfied, constantly seeking happiness when the trick is to just accept the here and now instead of seeking it relentlessly. I don't know if there will ever be a means to an end in terms of seeking true happiness.

I think it's fascinating that happiness is something that so many great thinkers have considered and discussed be it Kurt Vonnegut, Blaise Pascal, Friedrich Nietzsche etc. It just proves even more just how much it matters to us and how much we seek it. I'm not going to put myself on par with these great thinkers but I'd at least like to contribute to the bigger questions.

Scared of the Dark

I wake in the middle of the night and stare into the blackness of my room. My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness and as they adjust, the outlines of the shapes of my room become more defined. At the same time, objects blend with objects to create images in my mind that spark superstitious thoughts - these are the offspring of my wild imagination. Shapes in the night look like monsters or murderers or animals who's only intention is to cause me harm. The night seems to enhance their power or just simply their likelihood of existing. I still see these shapes, even now, even though I should be past it. I know that since I can't really see them, maybe they can't really see me.
I also used to keep my door open at night. It was to let the light in, so my parents could make sure I was okay, so that I wouldn't shut any monsters in. Now, I shut my door to keep it all out.
I suppose part of growing up is realising that you can be wrong about things.

There are ways in which I feel like I am, unintentionally, growing up. I am no longer scared of the dark. I feel like I can advise those younger than me. I can understand that my parents are human and had lives before I existed. I am independent.
In this way, I don't mind becoming an adult because I know that I have a better understanding of the world, I have experience and I don't have to rely on others so much for my own welfare.

But, I loved being a child. I wish I had the same imagination and curiosity I had at nine years old when a climbing frame became a witches cauldron and the grass became a vast ocean and the garden held nooks and crannies where I could go to 'time travel'. I just loved the power my imagination had. It could unhinge reason in the greatest of ways.  I don't like the way my mind unhinges reason now - I over think reality rather than creating a whole new world. Reality and fantasy merge dangerously.

I didn't care about romance. Real heartbreak doesn't exist at nine years old.

I also miss the way that I always thought about the present and always lived in the present. So much of our lives is spent thinking about the past or the future and not so much about really living in the present.

As a legal adult, I don't feel like one at all. It's strange to think that I used to look up to people my age when I was younger, admiring how good they were at living and being some kind of magical adult type being - it is a myth. These 'adults' know what they're doing, where they going and have everything sussed. It's even stranger to think about how much I looked up to these adults and my parents only now to realise that they are fallible and not the deities I saw them as when I was a child - all knowing, all seeing, all powerful.
I used to think that mid-twenties was so old. I now have friends and cousins of that age and to me they still seem very young. Perhaps its because I'm not so far from being that age and the idea of being an adult frightens me.  Five years from now, I still think I'd feel the same.

I was desperate to grow up five years ago. Have I finally reached the age where I want to be younger?